The Letter
by shinigamiinochi
Summary: Duo cannot tell Heero how he feels, so instead, he writes him a letter


The Letter

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Angst, one shot, sap, language, Duo POV.

Summary: Duo writes a letter to Heero describing his feelings.

Heero,

I honestly cannot remember a time when I could not smell the aroma of burning flesh or fresh blood by the gallons in my nightmares. I thought it would follow me forever, it figures that a kin of mine would be able to drive it all away. When I closed my eyes just yesterday, I could hear the sounds of suffering, pain, and death and was greeted to horrific sights you could not even see in the goriest of horror movies. And the worst part of all was that it was not a part of my over-active imagination, but something I had caused; a reality. When I met you, I never thought you would turn out to be a friend, let alone **that**. It first happened after that incident with the Alliance Pacifists. I can still feel your fingers caressing my skin, driving me crazy, yet, bringing me closer to heaven with each sensually caring touch. Despite the fact that we were two battle driven soldiers in the midst of a war, that was the most passionate, loving thing I had ever felt, especially coming from you. You were so gentle and patient with me, I think you were afraid of hurting me. I was afraid to tell you then that, though I had lived on the streets, up until that night I had been a virgin. Later you nearly died and for a long time I thought you had. That's how I got these scars on my wrists. Even then, I refused to admit to even myself why I had to do it. But I wasn't alone and was saved. Now I'm glad that happened. It would have sucked to have died and never experienced all that had happened later on. I'm writing all this to you now because I'm too much of a coward to say it to your face. Go figure. Anyway, I was so relieved to see you when I was captured, I didn't even care you were pointing a gun at my face. You saved me anyway though you probably should have killed me. That was the second time I actually had proof you had emotions just like everyone else. I was pretty banged up so I don't exactly remember much, though I did have some pretty weird dreams. Then you left me behind again. My heart told me it was because you didn't want me to get hurt anymore, but I figured it was more because you didn't want some beat up liability slowing you down that you would have to look after. I didn't get to see you again until I was purposefully captured on the moon. You yelled at me a lot, not to mention called me names and insulted me in every way. But, soon enough, you left me behind once again. And, once again, it was a very long time before we could be together. I wasn't really sure of what you thought of me. If I was just a convenient lay or something more. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care either way, so I won't. But I still didn't say anything. So, I have to ask you now, which is it, truthfully? We no longer have to run away from each other, or rather you no longer have an excuse to hide your feelings, if any, or perhaps that Dorlian chick is more your type, huh? I'll probably end up at L2 sooner or later. Back where it started. How ironic. The one place I thought I never wanted to be a part of ever again has now become my only home. I had hoped we, all five of us, would stay together when all of this chaos was over, but that was a terribly childish idea. We are far too different. Quatre must go to L4 to gain his leadership of WEI. Trowa belongs to his circus. It seems that only Wufei and I have no real obligations, nor a true 'home'. You'll no doubt become 'Lena's bodyguard or something. I only have a week and a half before this new government decides to come for us and I'll be gone before then. A week, seven days exactly. If I had the courage, I would have come to you days before. It was also childish of me to believe that there would be a true relationship between you and I now. I guess that's why I am so anxious as to what your decision will be. I won't blame you for leaving or letting me go without a word. It would make sense, I am only a street rat, after all, and stuff like this never happens to people like me. You probably think I am being childish by writing a fuckin' love letter to you, but I simply can not let this go so easily. I can no longer hope for the best. I hate these thoughts but I sometimes wish that the war had never ended, then maybe we could at least pretend or take comfort in each other again. I really shouldn't think that way, I know, now that we have finally attained peace after all of this time. But there will always be a part of me that misses those times, as I believe that part is in all of us. No matter which you end up deciding, I sincerely hope that choice brings you the happiness you could not find during the war.

Duo

P.S.

Thank you for driving away the blood, thank you for showing me true love, thank you for caring; but most of all, thank you for loving me, if only for a moment.

Just know this,

I always loved you.

End


End file.
